Tech Buzzwords explained

This is so great, and I've been looking for the "when you're fundraising, it's AI..."-tweet for months, so I'm collecting the nuggets here for me to peruse:

Hit it, @random_walker:

Tech buzzwords explained:
AI—regression
Big data—data
Blockchain—database
Algorithm—automated decision-making
Cloud—Internet
Crypto—cryptocurrency
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Disruption—competition
Viral—popular
IoT—malware-ready device

Boom, here's $100m to drain the statistics department of the nearest university:

When you’re fundraising, it’s AI
When you’re hiring, it’s ML
When you’re implementing, it’s linear regression
When you’re debugging, it’s printf()

This was fun too:

When computer scientists say "big data" they usually mean data that's big enough that you can't process it on a single machine.

And:

Some people use "big data" to mean something like "large-scale, fine-grained data about people that can be used to make harmful inferences about them."

You get an algorithm, and you get an...:

If you're a technologist confused about headlines like these, it turns out that "algorithm" now means "automated decision-making".

Viral like the flu, if it was the Outbreak monkey coughing on you:

Finally, "viral". @duncanjwatts & other have a fascinating claim, backed by data, that viral propagation on social media is largely a myth, and that the popularity of (say) tweets is explained by the popularity of the most prominent user who retweeted it.

There were some nice ones in the responses as well—I think there's more truth in this one that anyone will ever admit:

AI - Excel
Big data - Excel
Blockchain - Excel
Algorithm - Excel
Cloud - Google spreadsheet
Crypto - Excel
Dark web - Excel
Data science - Excel chart
Disruption - Excel 2018
Viral - Excel macros

Also:

scrum - meetings

Artificial Intelligence = another human's brain:

Also, Machine Learning: Low paid foreigners looking at or filtering content

Bonus: The best ELI5 of Bitcoin I've come across so far:

Your report card is posted publicly, as is everybody else's, at 3 pm. Everyone fights with each other for the chance to put them in the principal's secure filing cabinet. If you win the fight, you get an A in gym. You can sell the A to other students in exchange for drugs.

D.A.R.E. to mine!